When a person indicates they are defensive, you might too hang it up for the time being. This means they are not capable of taking in any brand new information and therefore not amenable to working on solutions. Having the capacity to recognize the futility of this can save you a lot of time and wasted power. Unfortunately, it happens more than we’d like.
Poor communication is an indication associated with low emotional intelligence. It sabotages rising stars, and stalls careers. Low EQ is the reason why most people get fired.
Here are two examples of deadends. Our focus here is about the emotional intelligence (EQ) of the result. You might laugh at a few of these real life, examples if they just weren’t so sad.
Call it “giving that back in spades,” or “clueless,” or “provocative,” or “res ipsa loquitur,Inch when you present a problem, as well as in their response they tell you the problem’s bigger than you ever thought, it’s time for someone to get their continue ready. Mind you this doorway swings both ways. (Goor employees are dropped this way also.)
YOU SAY: I am unable to get anywhere with this project because you haven’t shown an interest in listening to me when I talk to you.
THEY SAY: That’s not a fair statement. Anyone here will tell you I listen. Besides, I didnrrrt call you in here to be able to argue with me, I known as you in to talk about your project. Now I don’t want to hear that from you again.
YOU State: I don’t care why you ended up late today. You’ve been overdue 4 times this month. Every time it’s a different excuse and also this has been going on for a few months. You cannot be late once again and keep this job. It might be requires punctuality.
THEY SAY: I couldn’t help it. There was a traffic quickly pull today. When I got to the turnoff at…
YOU SAY: You speak down to me. It’s undermining.
THEY SAY: Honey lamb, when I say…
YOU SAY: You don’t seem to take me personally seriously when I give you a contract. These deadlines are important for the success of this department.
THEY Point out: Hey did you see that newest thing on MySpace? Output deadlines on this calendar appear to be even farther away than they actually are usually? I thought that was a hoot. Too true, huh?
YOU SAY: I can not function with this sort of every week meeting. You’re intentionally looking to intimidate me. You don’t say a word. Your arms are crossed. You place ‘my’ chair 10′ away from yours.
THEY SAY: I put up with this for 10 years inside the military. Now it’s your turn.
YOU SAY: You don’t seem to be creating a decision on your own and that’s not going to work in this company. I need independent thinkers.
THEY SAY: Properly my last boss declared I was…
YOU SAY: People are telling me that you’re difficult to speak with. You don’t give them enough information and seem blunt. Like you withhold information. They tell me you don’t give them the information they need when they come to you for aid. Do you think this is a fair notion?
THEY SAY: No.
YOU SAY: I might really like to keep you on this office. You’re the best paralegal we’ve ever had, but there seems to become some kind of attitude problem or something. The lawyers tell me when they have to fix your work, you just argue. They say you’re too defensive.
THEY SAY: [interrupting] No I’m not. He’s normally the one with the
problem. I’ve been doing this with regard to…
YOU SAY: You seem to be developing a problem with stress. I know there are plenty of work in your area and we are under-staffed, but we’ve got a new man or woman coming in next week. There’s nonetheless going to be stress there however, because as you know there are some large deadlines coming up. Would you like to dicuss this particular now so we can find some ways to cope with it.
THEY SAY: Absolutely no, no. You ‘re making me so nervous I can not even think.
YOU SAY: I’m prepared to discuss this proboem with you any moment, but if you continue to holler at me like this, I will leave the office.
THEY SAY: [yelling] You usually say that! With you it’s always somebody else’s fault! [louder] Now you listen to me and you listen good. [louder yet] Don’t you care to leave here!!